The Love Vessel

Today's Cuppa: calming chamomile

I was out amongst The Muggles today…and found myself desperately holding back tears as I witnessed a vicious attack. Unfortunately, it was one of those attacks where cultural taboos prevented me from stepping in, something I now regret.

Standing in the queue of Penrith Post Office, I watched a man go ballistic at his son when he discovered he hadn't brought money to pay for a parcel they were sending. It turned out the father didn't have any cash on him either. He *could* have apologised to the teller and said, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, can you hold this parcel till we go and get my wallet?" Instead, he emotionally (and mentally and spiritually) pummelled his teenage son to the ground. That *we* can do this to those we love the most is mind-numbing. A bonded parent would have found other (harmless) ways to express frustration. To have inflicted such psychic violence and torture on this boy in public, leaves me questioning how he behaves when he's not on best behaviour in front of twenty plus witnesses. I have had similar feelings watching twenty stone men raising their body against tiny toddlers in supermarkets saying "You just wait till we get home!"

I was energetically shattered by witnessing this attack, in much the same way as when I've seen CCTV footage of brutal physical beatings on tv.

A short time later I was in another building when a man in his fifties started his tirade. When his wife asked if he'd finished the shopping, he loudly and rudely said "If you stopped minding everyone else's business and got your fat arse over here, we'd have had the shopping done."

Mantra-like, I chimed in the four walls of my mental prison ~ "It's none of your business, Veronika! It's none of your business, Veronika! It's none of your business, Veronika! It's none of your business, Veronika!"

Holes formed in my tongue as I forced myself away from them. I'd have liked to ask the man, gently of course, if he had any idea of how nasty and vulgar his tone was to her ~ the love of his life. Was it necessary to speak to her like that? And to ask her, "WHY do you allow him to speak to you like that?"

Where is the love? Where is the LOVE??????? Don't you know, can't you FEEL, that violence only breeds more violence?

Look into each other's eyes. You're not enemies. You're connected by Divine Thread. To hurt each other, is to hurt your self. Why would you inflict such pain on yourself?

This hostility is so alien to me that when I witness such scenes I beg the gods to transport me back to my own planet. "Please, have mercy!"

I'm no saint by any means, and live an imperfect life, but the widespread dysfunction which exists in our society is truly frightening. All the ideas I want to instil into the mass consciousness about love, bonding and optimal parenting, are simply foreign tongue to the masses.

I would never stay in a relationship in which I was treated with anything less than respect and love.

Back home now, in my humble Love Shack, I can breathe again. Drawbridge hoisted up firmly, I reflect on a species so far out of touch with the good and brilliant within them. What a waste.

Creating a space of love must start with our self. When we're able to love and respect every aspect of our being it becomes impossible for another to enter that space in an attitude of anything less than reverence, love, gratitude, humour (not sarcasm) and harmony.

Really simple science = we're mostly made of water, a vibrational, magnetic substance. Fill your inner vessel with peace and purity and you simply must attract the same back into your life.

Empowered Mothering

Today's Cuppa: Pure, living water (aka breast milk direct from source)

We are at our most empowered, as mothers, when we do not rely on modern technology to fulfil our role. This has been brought home to me many times this week when observing and listening to the many people caught up in the flooding of central and southern England. There are countless babies at the mercy of other people who are bringing in clean water so parents can make up counterfeit milk.

My heart absolutely goes out to everyone devastated by these floods…as much as to the 200 people who died in floods in China this week, and the 500 who've died in the Hungarian heat wave.

It does remind me, though, just how far removed we are from our natural mothering instincts that young babies aren't even drinking from their mother ~ someone who could offer them 'living water' on tap regardless of external influences.

We think we can replace breast milk with something as inadequate as a static 'formula'. We even have the cheek to call it 'milk', as if we were offering our babies the elixir of life! Collectively, we have allowed our culture to hypnotise us into thinking breastfeeding is an embarrassment, something reserved for primitives.

Hygeia Halfmoon, author of Primal mothering in a modern world, recalls being evacuated in Hawaii after a natural disaster ( I can't recall if it was an earthquake or erupting volcano) and sitting in a large centre with all the evacuees. All the babies were screaming from hunger as there was no access to formula or fresh water. She was the only one breastfeeding. Can you imagine how heartbreaking it would be to know you could feed a number of other children from your breasts, had they not lost their sucking reflex by being introduced to bottle-feeding?

Empowered mothering doesn't rely on man-made products, be they drink, food, sleeping prisons, monitors, bottles and so on. Your body, mind and heart contain everything needed to parent beautifully and with integrity for the reciprocal bonding of mother and child.

Unassisted birth observational documentary for Granada TV

To follow is an invite from Granada TV.


Here in the UK there is a growing interest in Freebirthing and I am presently working on an observational documentary for Granada TV on the growing movement in the UK and how women are increasingly choosing to have a more natural birth for their child.

I would love to speak with women who are planning an unassisted birth for their baby and who are passionate about their reasons and their right to choose. If this is you I would really appreciate the opportunity to talk with you about your experience and future plans.

To reassure you it will be a positive and informative documentary that hopefully will answer questions about this type of childbirth. We are interested to know if you had a bad experience in hospital that has lead you to this decision?

Your identity would be protected if this is something you would require and I would like to reassure any expectant mothers that we will not intrude on your labour with a film crew - there are ways we can capture the birth without the need for other people.

I can be contacted by email on Helen.Crocombe@itv.com or telephone 0207 261 3806 so please do get in touch as your involvement is important to us.

Breastfeeding myths

Bethany in Forest Row last weekend.


Today's Cuppa: Ginger and orange tea


I mentioned in my last blog entry the constant tug of war within me ~ isolating myself from society, or being very much part of it and educating others.



One topic which certainly has the old tug of war rope chaffing my stretch-marked belly is that of breastfeeding. I've endured a lot of flak in the past year and a half over appearing in the Extraordinary Breastfeeding documentary. Unfortunately, the programme did very little to educate the ignorant masses who still see feeding our infants and children as something optional or even unnecessary, if not downright disgusting ~ something akin to urinating in public. The mind boggles. Clearly some people really can't tell the difference between a living food and a bodily waste product.




Those people aside, one of my biggest frustrations is related to people who work in the parenting field who perpetuate myths.


The biggest ones are:

1.) It's normal for breastfeeding to hurt ~ expect sore nipples

Nipple pain is either caused by an infection (such as thrush or herpes) or, most commonly, by incorrect latch-on. It's important for all mothers to know that nipple pain is completely avoidable, and not a 'normal' part of breastfeeding, and that the first sign of discomfort for any mother is a warning bell that her baby isn't latched-on properly.

Nipple pain is never a matter of bad luck,
but to do with breastfeeding mismanagement.

In order to increase breastfeeding rates, we have to ensure women are given correct information so they can avoid discomfort, and enjoy breastfeeding for the pleasurable experience it was designed to be.


We would see a tripling of breastfeeding rates (according to the British Medical Journal) if women gathered in breastfeeding groups to learn about breastfeeding. A sad consequence of our nuclear family society is that most women don't get to witness breastfeeding until they have their own baby. How tragic, given it is something so fundamental to the survival of the human species. Breastfeeding has become a dying art. Without breastfeeding, humanity as a species will deteriorate, and then die out.

2.) Bottlefeeding allows dad to bond with baby ~ so get expressing.

Breast milk was never meant to see the light of day, and we do the baby, mother and the father a disservice to suggest bottle-feeding as a way of bonding. Our aim as parents should be to raise our children optimally, not to compromise them in any way. Bottle-feeding is a massive compromise and should be reserved for emergencies, not used as a lifestyle choice.

When a father feels 'left out' by the breastfeeding experience, this is to do with subconscious memories of his own feeding experience in infancy.
Had his needs been fully met in infancy and childhood, there'd be no reason for him to feel left out as a parent.

3.) Babies need iron by six months of age


I've just read a 'natural' parenting magazine which allowed the iron myth to be published…again undermining successful, exclusive breastfeeding beyond the six month age.

There are so many studies which prove that a breastfed baby has plenty of access to adequate iron in breast milk (regardless of the mother's iron status!). The confusion and misinformation regarding infants and iron has been taken from formula fed babies' tendency towards anaemia, and reliance on synthetic iron. The vitamin c in breast milk allows the iron in it to be utilised by the baby.

If you are seriously concerned about your baby's iron levels, then keep up with exclusive breastfeeding! As soon as you introduce solids you are reducing the body's ability to absorb iron. Sadly, the most common foods introduced to babies (rice, cereals, etc ~ in the belief they'll supply iron) are the worst things that should be introduced in the first or second year of life. If you must introduce solids, stick to RIPE, raw fruit and NEVER introduce any food before six months of age. Anything else is a massive insult on a premature digestive system.

My own daughters weren't introduced to solids until the end of their first year of life. They've never had commercial baby food. Their 'weaning' foods were organic bananas, avocados, strawberries, pears, apple, etc.

Later in their second year they had some lightly steamed sweet potato, pumpkin and broccoli. It wasn't until their third year they were introduced to the meals Paul and I were having. They've always been good eaters and not fussy about fruit and vegetables as commonly reported amongst children. Sure, they have their likes and dislikes, but for the most part they eat a wide variety of fruit, vegetables, seeds, whole grains and nuts.

4.) She's ready for solids


There's so much pressure to introduce solids to babies. I believe it is all part of the cultural bulldozer which seeks to separate mother and child. It's all heavily camouflaged behind the idea that when a baby is putting things in her mouth, or having a growth spurt, that she's ready for food. Breast milk IS FOOD!

TV presenter Lorraine Kelly labours under the misguided belief that babies should be fully weaned as soon as their first teeth appear. How much would she eat if her mouth contained just two, tiny pearly whites?

Why does common sense go out the window in so many aspects of child rearing?

5.) Formula milk is as good as breast milk


Formula is a static product. It shouldn't even have the world milk tacked onto the end of it. No matter how many artificial and synthetic vitamins and minerals the companies add to it, it is impossible to come remotely close to what nature intended our children to feed on for their first few years of life.

Recently I was sent a press release by a group of breastfeeding mothers in London showing some statistics regarding their ideas on breastfeeding; dismal to say the least. One of the quotes in the release went something like this: "Anyone would think formula was poison and that I was murdering my baby by giving him formula instead of breast milk."

Well, the more you educate yourself about breast milk, it's pretty hard to conclude anything else. Personally, I would put it in the category of poison.

I would move the earth (and moon) to give my children breast milk. Formula wouldn't even be a last resort!

There are so many reasons why I get frustrated by the constant pushing of infant formula. It isn't just about its complete inadequacy in providing optimum nutrition, but also because it simply can not provide for our long term emotional and mental needs. There are biochemical nutrients in breast milk with are absolutely CRUCIAL to our long term emotional health. Formula can never provide for this.

Work done by the marvellous James Prescott PhD shows that by breastfeeding for 2.5 years or longer, an absence of suicides and depression was found in most cultures. Breastfeeding bonding (affectional bonding) is imperative in a culture which seeks to live peacefully.

Some of the leading health problems in the world related to sexual, social, mental or emotional dysfunction (such as rape, suicide, depression and homicide) are found in cultures with next to non-existent breastfeeding in infancy and childhood.

Breastfeeding statistics are appalling. As a culture we have NO excuse for this!! We consider ourselves in first world countries to be rich ~ nothing could be further from the truth.

In the US, for example,

6.8% breastfed at 12 months
2.7% breastfed for 24 months or more
1% was breastfed for 30 months or more


How is it that 97% of children are not even meeting the minimum age set for breastfeeding by the hugely conservative World Health Organisation? Have we simply made it too easy for women to choose fake milk? Tribal cultures wouldn't even be able to comprehend such statistics. They don't have incidences of women 'choosing' not to breastfeed or believing that they can't breastfeed. They just do it!

If we didn't have formula milk companies we wouldn't have stats like those above. We'd have a 99% breastfeeding-from-mother rate, and in cases where a mother was unable to breastfeed due to illness (or death) a wet nurse would be available for the child. In my book, The Drinks Are On Me, I take a look at the spiritual and emotional reasons behind a woman's belief that she 'didn't have any/enough breast milk'.


Every time I see a breastfeeding myth perpetuated, I see breastfeeding slip further away from humanity's grasp. We simply won't survive many more generations without this optimal source of nutrition and bonding. A destructive culture has no choice but to destroy itself. Violence is like a cancer.


How will we ever explain to future generations that we had the evidence for full-term sustained breastfeeding, but as a culture we chose to ignore it?

To meet a kindred spirit

Today's Cuppa: Calming Chamomile


I'm still recovering from what has been, and still is, a busy week! Bethany's having her secondary school induction week at the moment, which she loves, and just had her violin exam too. Bethany couldn't get into the two nearest secondary schools (thank goodness!) as they were full, so she's going to a very small one in Alston, an isolated community at the top of the Pennines in the UK's highest market town. She has 17 in her class which is very unusual for a mainstream secondary school. The school she would have been expected to go to has about 1800 pupils. The one she's at has 200. There is a very strong sense of community and friendship there and from everything I've seen and heard, the staff seek to make the environment as warm and nurturing as possible. Today she's spending the day with her fellow classmates and teachers swimming at a leisure centre so they can all get to know each other better. She's already had offers from new friends to come and visit their house.

We went to Forest Row, East Sussex last weekend to witness the wedding of Richard House, a columnist for The Mother magazine, to Silvie Hetu, an infant massage instructor.

The ceremony was held in the beautiful gardens of Emerson College, an Anthroposophical teacher training college. Although Richard and I had never met in the flesh before, we've always shared a deep passion for the optimal well-being of children, particularly through allowing them to 'wake-up' to this world gently, and in their own time.

Weddings are always a good reminder of all we hold dear in our own marriage. It's particularly moving when the words of a ceremony honour the idea that when we are one with our self, we are then able to fully love and marry another.

At the wedding, and later that night at a party on a biodynamic farm, I met women who read The Mother. It's always humbling to have a personal experience of our readers and to hear their mothering or grandmothering story.

An absolute bonus, and no doubt a divinely inspired orchestration, of Richard's wedding being in Forest Row (even though he lives in Norfolk) was that we got to spend time with the Durdant-Hollamby family [publishers of The Mother magazine] who live there. If ever there was a family to model your own on, this family's the one!

They truly 'walk the talk' and their goal to be the happiest family in the world is contagious and deeply inspiring. I've been telling my friends ever since, that "everyone needs a family like the D-Hs in their life!"

As a family we got to witness the unusually strong 'alternative' community that exists in Forest Row, no doubt initially instigated by the Steiner school and college there. Many families home educate their children.

As I type, the view out my window is one that has nurtured my soul for eight and half years ~ the unspoilt countryside, the hills, the trees. I used to take the silence and fresh air here for granted! Having done the tortuous route of the M6 (stuck on it for 11.5 hours!) and M25 I will never forget how blessed I am to live in this sanctuary of outstanding natural beauty.

I find myself wanting to hang on to this rural and peaceful lifestyle forever and being torn with finding a place which offers kindred spirits and a sense of community like Forest Row does. My children are emerging into the world and have such different needs to me. I'd happily camp at the top of a mountain, hermit-like, for half a century, but I feel it would be wrong to deny my children the experience of duality. I experienced many aspects of life before having children and don’t feel the need to partake of most of it anymore, yet I'm aware that every experience we have in life is valid.

I expect to be a full-time mother for another seven or so years until my little birdies fly the nest, and then my deep desire to live in a log cabin in the wilderness can manifest. Until that time, I welcome with open arms the kindred spirits who also walk this world and seek like-minded soul-mates.

Attachment Parents ~ BEWARE of Aware Parenting

Today's Cuppa: Echinacea Tea


I love editing The Mother magazine. Daily I hear from women (and men) who are actively listening to their inner voice and following their intuition despite living in a culture which values possessions and money as priorities over the love, parental companionship, care and well-being of our children.

The downside of working in the parenting field is reading the utter rubbish that gets perpetuated in mainstream literature. So often a woman's instincts are dismissed by so- called experts. At one level we have the childless Supernanny telling parents how to raise their unruly children. At another, we have midwives or doctors who write books, such as Baby Sense by Megan Faure and Ann Richardson, which talk of feeding a baby rice or maize at three months of age (??!!) or not breastfeeding more than every two hours. And don’t even start me on The Good Sleep Guide by Angela Henderson. OMG! Utterly hideous and downright cruel to babies. In my opinion both of these books should be burnt. They are extremely dangerous in the messages they give to parents and are deeply insulting and ignorant of basic human neuro-biology. I read the other day that Gina Ford believes she takes a 'holistic approach to parenting'. Whatever next? Clearly the word holistic is used to cover all manner of sins these days.
I hear stories of doctors who suggest a baby be fed rusks at two weeks of age and Health Visitors (Public Enemy No. 1) who push mothers to get babies onto formula at seven weeks of age or earlier. These things frustrate me enormously and make me sick to the stomach. And yet in many ways they're to be expected in our culture. The Mother magazine feels like a lone voice in the vast wilderness of parenting.

My job in creating The Mother is centred around one purpose: to be an advocate for the babies and children. As a result the content may seem radical, cutting edge and for some people, just a tad too challenging, as it means they might have to compromise aspects of their lifestyle. It's far easier, or so they think, to just do 'what everyone else does'. Life's much easier if you don't rock the boat, isn't it?

In the past couple of years, there has been a rather insidious element creeping into natural parenting circles, so much so that I'm unaware of any other natural parenting magazine besides The Mother magazine which doesn't now promote Aware Parenting ~ a clever, yet misleading, term coined by Aletha Solter. I say insidious because this 'style' of parenting cushions itself within the admirable principles of attachment parenting and subverts them by acting, cult-like, in drawing in otherwise intelligent, nurturing, yet susceptible parents who might be exhausted or, more accurately, unsupported in their natural parenting choices.

Today's blog is to publicly state that in no way do I, personally or professionally, endorse the practice known as Aware Parenting ~ in particular the aspect of allowing the baby to 'cry it out'.

Proponents of this method argue that babies have unresolved tensions and need to cry them out in order to heal. They suggest that holding the baby while she cries will allow the baby to relieve herself of stress. What they don't seem to acknowledge is that crying is virtually unheard of in indigenous cultures where babies' needs are instantly met, if not anticipated first. Even if advocates of Aware Parenting don't wish to admit it, they are in effect encouraging 'controlled crying'. They do not encourage comforting of the baby through nursing, jiggling or rocking the baby ~ all actions which come instinctively to a NURTURING mother.

In my late teens, I worked for a professional babysitting agency. It's no exaggeration to say that the children of psychologists were, without fail, always difficult to sit for. Even back then I couldn't help but wonder if those famiies were parenting by rote from some textbook, rather than from their heart.

One advocate of Aware Parenting, a psychologist, suggests that if you don't let your baby cry in this way he might end up with a long list of psychological disorders. She suggests that social disorders such as addictions will happen. Now, imagine a new parent reading this sort of information. Well, no caring parent would want their child to grow up with this in front of them. Yet the exact opposite is true. Children deprived of non-nutritive suckling suffer all sorts of consequences, long and short term. I could present a thesis on it!

Aware Parenting gurus promise that if you follow their path it will provide you with a child who is 'calm and co-operative'. Whatever happened to accepting our children for who they are? Or taking responsibility for our failures rather than trying to 'fix' the child. Actually, my take is that these 'calm and cooperative' children will feel they weren't listened to; that their cries didn't get their needs met; that they were abandoned by the very person in this whole world who should have helped them. They've learnt not to 'rock the boat' or ask for anything any more because 'no-one will listen'. It is complete rubbish that all babies need to cry or that they need to cry for emotional release. Babies cry when their needs aren't met. If a baby is feeling agitated or taking on the stress from those around them, this can be relieved by carrying them against your body and breastfeeding on cue ~ which a mother would be doing anyway if she was parenting naturally. Our babies are more than capable of dealing with the ups and downs of day to day life if they're getting their needs met and handled with love and care. Babies don't cry for the fun of it! It causes great distress and discomfort. It's their last ditch attempt to get attention. It is NOT manipulation ~ which, by the way, is an adult trait, not a baby's one.

As a parent, if you choose to use controlled crying, then it is important that you acknowledge that you're not meeting your child's needs optimally. Own it. Whatever your reasons are for choosing to do this, DON'T BLAME THE CHILD. Many people who choose attachment parenting are doing so in social isolation; it is so at odds with our culture. Because of this, it is easy for them to feel overwhelmed at times and then to wonder if they're parenting 'wrongly'.

Aware Parenting is a clever marketing ploy in a sense, designed specifically to draw in vulnerable parents. There's a lot of money to be had in providing 'counselling' to parents who are struggling. To raise our children optimally we must not engage in emotionally crippling and numbing practises such as Aware Parenting promote through their controlled crying -which does two things ~ shows the baby it is not 'good enough' and severs the unique bond between mother and child by encouraging her to disengage from the one thing nature gave her to tell her the baby is 'in danger' ~ the CRY!

As Jean Liedloff wrote in The Contimnuum Concept "a baby's cry is precisely as serious as it sounds." Jean lived with the Yequanna tribe for some time and is far more qualified than most to speak about how babies are when raised in accord with their biological needs.

One of my major concerns with Aware Parenting is that a baby with very real problems will not be having its REAL needs met. Even in gentle births babies can be subluxated and need chiropractic or cranial support. Assuming that the baby has a 'need' to cry through emotional issues, is very misleading. This is an adult need.

So, what happens why a baby cries? There is a dramatic fluctuation in blood flow during extended crying which decreases cerebral oxygenation and causes an increase in cerebral blood volume. This increases intracranial pressure and puts the baby at risk for an intracranial haemorrhage. At the same time, the blood, by now oxygen-depleted, flows into the systemic circulation, rather than into the lungs (see Anderson, GC)

The Aware Parenting approach dismisses comfort nursing (otherwise known as non-nutritive sucking). As I've written in my soon to be published book, 'The Drinks are on me' (available from: www.artofchange.co.uk) non-nutritive sucking is every bit as important as breastfeeding for thirst or hunger. It is rarely talked about in lactation circles. Even amongst attachment parents, many mums remove the child from the breast when his/her tummy is full. In indigenous cultures the mother allows the child to suck from the breast which has already had milk withdrawn, for as long as is needed.

As mothers, if we respond immediately and comfort our crying baby, they learn to trust us and in turn become more responsive.

If you're new to mothering and are unsure of how to read your baby's pre-cry cues for hunger, look for the following signs:

making sucking sounds or little sucking motions
sucking on her hands
snuggling or rooting at the breast
increased alertness or activity
making rooting motions
clenching his fists by her face
brushing a hand across her face
putting her fist in his mouth

We are biologically programmed to give a nurturing response to our baby's cries. It is not natural to refrain or to ignore them. Our body responds immediately to our baby's cry. Blood flows to our breasts and we have the urge to pick the baby up and breastfeed. The hormone oxytocin gives us the feeling which helps us to 'love our baby'. So, if this is what our body instructs us to do without any direction from the logical left side of the brain, and then some well-meaning but misguided expert like Marion Badenoch Rose, Aletha Solter, Gina Ford or Angela Henderson tell us to ignore it, you've got to ask yourself why. Investing in their misguided belief systems is a huge loss for your child and for you. Your child is the loser while these gurus get richer.

If you want a happy, contented and balanced baby/child, then get in touch with your mothering instincts ~ and listen to them.

Unassisted Childbirth documentary

Any mums planning a UC Birth?

A few weeks back, Reuters news service interviewed me for a piece on Unassisted Births.

There's now worldwide media interest in the topic. If you live in Britain and are planning an unassisted birth and would be interested in talking to a production team about a documentary… see below.

"We’d explore their reasons, their motivation and follow them through the journey, including the birth. It’s a subject that is really worthy of exploration, particularly given the increasing amount of medical intervention in hospital births, and a woman’s right to choose. We would love to speak with anyone who is considering this option – you don’t have to take part it would just be good to hear from you!!" Please contact emma on emma.barron@vgoodfilms.com or 0207 272 4000

Freebirth on Richard & Judy

Today's Cuppa: Raspberry leaf tea, especially for birthing mothers!


*Childbirth ~ if you want the job done properly, do it yourself!
(from Laura Shanley's unassisted childbirth website ~ www.unassistedchildbirth.com)

Funny, I don't watch Richard and Judy, but when Bethany asked me yesterday if I felt like watching it, I thought, 'what the heck, ok.' I'd been out all day and was shattered, so thought a blob on the couch was no great sin, even though I'm always making dinner at that time.

In hindsight, it must have been my intuition which answered 'yes'. I was so thrilled to discover my gorgeous friend Laura Kaplan Shanley (author of Unassisted Childbirth) as a guest during a segment on Freebirth (unassisted birth). A massive bouquet to you Laura, you were FANTASTIC!!!!

There were also two mums, Natalie Dorchester and Julia Wilson, who'd given birth unassisted, and I thought they were wonderful and brave putting their sacred experience under the harsh media spotlight. They were wise, passionate and intuitive. Intuition may have been dismissed by Richard as 'airy fairy', but quite frankly, it's the most powerful tool a person has. Unfortunately our left-brain dominated society has learnt to dismiss this life-enhancing inner voice.

It was wonderful to see Laura speak so eloquently and articulately on such an emotive topic. But why is it emotive? For but a blip in human history, women 'have' given birth unassisted. In some cultures they still do. Being supported by other women, either relatives or midwives, is a very recent 'intervention'. And having birth managed by doctors and obstetricians is but half a blink in human history.

Richard led to the segment with the question, "How long till a baby dies?" Such a fear-based and negative introduction didn't surprise me, but it did sadden me. Richard and Judy are held up as gods by an adoring public. What they so goes…so even if he's only asking the question and acting like a journalist, putting the thought out there before even commencing the interview is deliberately leading the viewer down a particular path, rather than trusting their intelligence and heart to come to their own conclusion.

They also issued a statement from the Department of Health which said "There are risks involved and we do not recommend freebirth." No surprise there, but what ignorance! There are risks in every aspect of life. I risk my life every time I walk down my stairs, or plug in an electrical appliance, or put food in my mouth. The DoH don't issue statements telling us that to 'live' is dangerous!

To use a government body as the 'authoritative' voice of childbirth is ludicrous. The only true expert of birth is the woman who is in labour.

My disappointment with the show was with the line of questioning, no doubt created by very young researchers and producers. I know that it has to appeal to a particular audience, and let's face it, it is channel four!!, but tv is such an incredibly powerful medium that to waste ten precious minutes evoking fear rather than trying to enlighten and educate, always disappoints me.

Our society doesn't acknowledge the high mortality rate, or damage, which occur during medically induced and attended births. Very rarely do such deaths appear in the mainstream media, even though the consequences are tragic and life-long for the families involved.

People always fear what they don't understand ~ flat earth syndrome…. They're so horrified at the thought of people taking responsibility for their health, well-being and child's birth that they simply can't adjust their limited frame of reference, and so they denounce Freebirth as 'irresponsible'. Were all our ancestress irresponsible for birthing their babies unassisted in the time before scans, forceps, and obstetricians? Hardly! They were awesome wombyn! And as Laura said on the show, anthropologists who've studied cultures where women were nurtured, well-fed and watered had no incidence of death in childbirth.

Why doesn't anyone tell a mother who opts for scans, drugs, forceps, ventouse or a medically unnecessary caesarean, that she is potentially putting herself and her baby in 'grave' danger? Why isn't she warned that the risks greatly outweigh the benefits? Why are these women not seen as irresponsible? For two very simple reasons:

1.) They are in the majority. But just because most people do something it doesn't mean it's right!

2.) There's no money for birth professionals when a woman gives birth unassisted. The more intervention in a birth, the more the doctor or obstetrician makes.

We've become so far removed from our biological design that we can't even recognise nature's perfection. We need to stop looking for what's wrong and look for what's right.

It's absolutely fascinating (if not soul destroying) to see the studies into the common, significant factors shared by autistic children. Although there are more than 20 factors, these children often have at least four or five in common, including:

. Deep forceps delivery
. Separation of mother and child at birth (always happens after birth problems)
. Being hospitalised in early life
. Being exposed to too many strange faces in the early years

Every invention that a mother accepts as normal, such as ~

* A pregnancy test (rather than listening to her body tell her that she's pregnant)
* Scan to tell her that baby is growing and is ok (rather than intuition)
* Antenatal tests (usual barrage ~ urine, blood, heart)
* Drugs to 'mask' her fear
* Fake milk for babe (this topic is so huge and fundamentally explosive to humans, personally and collectively, and humanity's future, that it takes a book to discuss it)
* Cots, cribs, prams, day care, early institutional learning

~ all separate mother from child. They put a physical, emotional and spiritual distance between them. The trouble is that this numbing-out becomes the 'norm' and our detachment is not questioned. Rather, those with a strong mothering instinct are made to look abnormal.

I would say that almost all women who choose an unassisted birth have done so knowing that they had to take 100% responsibility for their actions. In doing so they've taken great care with their health and well-being, possibly doing so from before conception. These women nurture mind, body and soul. For them it's a priority to surround themselves with positive influences and uplifting birth stories. And if women are honest, there's nothing encouraging or supportive about hearing women's horrific birth stories! Why do we keep perpetuating them? And why does the media keep showing women flat on their backs in birth? It's the worst possible position.

If you choose the medical system and eat rubbish, drink alcohol, smoke, don't rest adequately, work throughout your pregnancy, stay in a negative relationship, etc., you're ok aren’t you? The system will take care of you and pick up the pieces. Nobody ever questions it.

I am firmly in the pro-freebirth camp. (Freebirth was a term coined by the late, great Jeannine Parvati Baker). And for the record it IS legal in the UK. Just because the vast majority of professionals in the birthing field and social workers are unaware of it, doesn't mean it's not true! What the law states is that someone not trained in birth 'care' can not 'deliver' the baby. The mother has every right to birth her own baby without assistance or supervision.

At The Mother magazine our ethos regarding birth is that we don't wish to perpetuate the belief that birth is 'dangerous or painful', but rather, that birth can be beautiful, ecstatic and indeed, orgasmic, just as nature intended.

I don't buy the often touted biblical stuff about childbirth pain being the legacy of sin.

That we suffer pain is a direct reflection of our fear of birth and our body, as well as 'taking on' ancestral stuff from recent times. We carry cellular memories from when matriarchal societies were over-ruled and nine million 'witches' (aka wise women!) were burned for knowing about women's power (birth, menstruation, herbs, dreams, etc.) That's a rather heavy burden for us girls to carry. It doesn't mean we need to create invasive, violent or disrespectful births. We can change the pattern. And it is women such as Freebirthers who are taking this in their hands. All praise to them, because for each woman who brings a baby into this world gently, peacefully and magically, they are helping to change the collective energy around birth. I have nothing but pure admiration for them.

My mother had her last three children at home, unassisted. And I suppose for me, it was this normal and natural event that allows me to see Freebirth for what it is, rather than what the media and many birth professionals suggest. I've known of far more babies die or be brain-injured in medically-managed births than I have ever heard of in home or unassisted births.

On Richard and Judy, Laura used the making love analogy. I often cite this in media interviews, 'hoping' that it might just make sense to people…but then making love/sex has become yet another desensitised experience in our modern world.

When we make love, because we're mammals, we do so best in the dark or semi-dark, in an atmosphere conducive to our hormones working well. We need comforting smells and touch, whispered voices. In essence, we need to be 'wooed'.

If you were about to make love to your partner and he suddenly stopped to turn on the tv for cricket results, or raced out of the room to stop the toast burning, or just when you were ready to orgasm, your mum phoned…well, it won't be a great experience! The flow will be interrupted.

The SAME hormones are used in birth and breastfeeding. We're simply not designed to have strangers watching us when we give birth…any more than we're designed to have our blood pressure or heart checked, fingers checking cervix, etc. It's wrong, wrong, wrong!

Most hospital births, by their very nature, involve fluorescent lightning, metal dishes being banged around, staff talking to each other, the bloody clock on the wall ticking!!, machines beeping. What sort of an environment is that in which to welcome a sacred being Earthside? Reeks to me of something rather barbaric, actually. Start life with a violent birth, and odds are greatly in your favour that violence will be part of your life later on.

Muck with birth and you ask for trouble. Period. Every intervention is an intervention on the pathway to more intervention. Accept it at your own risk. Don't worry though, because no one will call you irresponsible…even if you've never given it any thought or your informed consent. No-one will call you irresponsible when your baby is handled like a lump of meat, rather than the exquisitely sensitive being she is.

People often evangelise doctors and say they 'saved' their baby. I will always disagree with that. If a baby survives birth (or any other life/death event) the doctor or midwife is a catalyst, not a life saver. It is incredibly egoic and arrogant to think that a human has the ability to keep a body and soul connected. It's simply not possible. This world we see is but a mere shadow of an unseen REAL world. None of us has control over when the Light goes out, or indeed begins.

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting
The soul that rises with us
Our life's Star
Hath had elsewhere its setting
And cometh from afar
Not in entire forgetfulness
And not in utter nakedness
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.

~ William Wordsworth

When we can understand at the deepest level that birth and death are one and the same, then we'll have unlocked one of life's deepest mysteries…and then we'll let go of birth management. Society will inevitably change (for the better) as a result. I think, at the deepest level, that most Freebirth women have made the birth/death connection.

Natural birth is a place which invites nurturing and love…words and a practice not part of the obstetrical thesaurus! Birth 'care' as conducted by obstetricians is aggressive by the very nature of it being controlling. To reclaim birth as the sacred experience gifted to us by the Goddess, we need to let go of this obsession with judging a birthing woman by her age, size of her pelvis, previous birth history, urine samples and so on. These are irrelevant to how she'll give birth. What we really need to look at is how she was born. How did her mother bring her into the world? Our own birth has a huge impact on how we approach bringing children into the world ~ conscious or otherwise.

The reason our culture advocates medically supervised birth is because it wants women controlled…for surely there is nothing more primal (or beautiful) than an empowered birthing woman.

It's inevitable, this blog being available to anyone, that some, perhaps many, will read this and disagree wholeheartedly. That's fine. I ask you this, though. If your faith in medical birth is so strong, how would you face birth if you had to take 100% responsibility for it without help, supervision or intervention? What would you do to ensure you and your baby's safety?

Not having a conscious conception is like missing the beginning of a good movie!

~ Thomas Darling

How is it that most modern women manage to conceive without interference but can't give birth without 'help'? Both conception and birth are sacred and otherworldly miracles made manifest in the physical. Perhaps if more people started witnessing their conception as a conscious, creative, selfless act of intimacy in which they first discovered themselves, we'd see it mirrored in an easy, pain-free, spontaneous birth also.

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. ~ Katherine Mansfield

British school lunches

Today's cuppa: Linden and galangal tea

It's no wonder Jamie Oliver had kittens when he went into English school kitchens and saw what was being served up!

Last week's menu at my girls' school:

* Meatballs
* Pizza
* Shepherd's pie
* Breaded fish
* Tuna lasagne with garlic bread

It's an outstanding menu, apparently, compared to what Jamie saw in some schools: burgers, fries, turkey twizzlers...

At my girls' school there's no vegetarian/vegan option on the menu ~ whether that's because this is a farming community, or because only skinny celebrities are vegetarians, I'm not sure. Those children who don't eat meat will be left with overcooked cabbage, mashed potato or chips with tomato sauce. Eliza's teacher didn't even know what a vegan was. You'd think it was the 1960s.

Even if there had been a meat-free option, I'd never let my children eat school food. A number of reasons exist for this:

. The poor quality of ingredients compared to their usual diet.
. Consciousness of the cooks (one of them stands outside the school smoking, and drinking coke).
. At home I know what's in the food. Meals are prepared from scratch ~ so no hidden ingredients.
. Authenticity of the kitchen workers ~ do they care about hygiene, food quality, etc. My husband is always shocked by how many men using public loos don't wash their hands. He's even seen food preparation workers avoid doing this most basic act of hygiene.
. My children's meals don't contain additives, preservatives, e-numbers, sugar or unhealthy fats.

Tuesday at school was healthy living day so the cook was making a special, healthy meal. A note was sent home to let parents know. Can you guess which one of the above meals was the healthy one? Tuna lasagne, of course! It's so obvious isn't it?

. Tuna ~ full of mercury.
. Cheese ~ to clog up the mucosal membranes and add unhealthy fats to a growing child's body ~ they'll be the adults who are dependant on the NHS because of sky-rocketing cholesterol. Unhealthy fats are one of the leading factors in skin cancer ~ the sun literally cooking them on the skin. This doesn't happen with natural oils like flaxseed, hemp, nuts, olive and avocado if consumed in their raw state.
. Wheat ~ a common allergen. It isn't designed to be consumed by the human body. People who are conscious of what they eat and how it affects them will notice how quickly wheat drains their energy. Why would we feed this to children in the middle of a school day?
. Garlic bread ~ in case they didn't get enough wheat in the lasagne they can also have some garlic bread because we all know white bread is so nutritious. That's silly, of course, because white, processed products have a deleterious effect on the body stripping us of nutrients.
. Spread for garlic bread ~ add a bit of butter or margarine for another dose of unhealthy fat. The garlic is probably processed powdered stuff, rather than freshly crushed, because most children probably wouldn't touch fresh garlic.

The children whose parents think the above menu is great will be eating similar, or worse, at home. No conscious parent would find such food acceptable on a daily basis.

How on earth is a human supposed to thrive on such a diet? Where are the enzymes, the 'light' electrons, the living nutrients? Why are we ~ as a culture ~ feeding our children dead food? Is it because we've become deadened ourselves and can't be bothered to honour the needs of a growing body?

Fortunately my girls know enough about nutrition to see that the school's attitude to food is inadequate at best. It's rather telling that for those children who don't eat the cooked school lunches, their lunch is called sandwich time. Why not say "time for home lunches"? Why presume every child lives off bread? Because it's the norm… Just about every child at the school with a packed lunch does eat bread. Sure, it's quick and easy to make, and doesn't take much thought or preparation, but is that a good enough reason to give that to a child day after day?

Why not try the following?

Vegetable crudités and hommous
Stuffed vine leaves
Tofu, olives, cherry tomatoes, cucumber chunks
Quinoa with apple and walnut salad
Mango and chickpea curry with amaranth
Basmati with lime and coriander
Home-made carrot and ginger soup in a mini-flask
Lentil, tofu and sweet corn rissoles (made with rice crumbs, not wheat ~ and baked, not fried)
Carrot and cucumber sticks with apricot and chickpea dip
Rice crackers and tofu cream cheese with assorted raw vegetables
Fresh fruit smoothie

We went to the school's summer fare the other day and I noticed a food poster in Eliza's classroom. It had the usual four food groups and one of them was labelled 'meat and alternatives'. Why should other proteins be considered alternative when for most of the world's population they are staples? Haven't we moved on at all, as a species, to know that protein isn't obtainable from meat alone? What ever happened to quinoa [contains all 8 amino acids], tofu, leafy greens, nuts, beans, tahini (sesame spread), pulses, beansprouts?

Food is a vibrational medicine. It literally nourishes every cell of our being ~ mind, body and soul. We simply can't expect to raise our consciousness if we're regularly consuming 'consciousness-numbing' food. Most people are on a standard processed diet and are committing slow suicide simply by ingesting dead foods on a regular basis.

We all have a choice. No-one forces us to eat dead, processed food. We put it in there all by ourselves. This next generation is dependant on us to set a good example. That means we have to step out laziness, cultural norms and habit ~ and reach for optimal nutrition. It includes taking the time to eat as a family, away from the tv; and sitting down together and being grateful for the food we're about to eat.

Humanity has been breaking bread together for millions of years. Our cultural consumption of food taken in isolation, and without mindfulness, is a new phenomenon. The consequences are dire.

Child's Play

Bethany, Veronika and Eliza on a windy day at Lake Ulswater.

Today's cuppa: Lemon grass and ginger

Back in the saddle again! Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. It's been ages since I've blogged. It looks like Google has finally sorted out its technical stuff.

Play doesn't come naturally to me ~ I blame it on Saturn in Aries in my 5th house (the house of children, play and creativity)… Saturn in Aries is a bit like going through life with the brakes permanently on! Saturn prefers structure and routine and scratches his head at spontaneity and laughter. Silly old thing.

The other day Eliza and I were playing ball on the netball court. I used to be quite good at it as a kid ~ before I grew breasts and got all out of balance! My fondest childhood memories involve play, and although I'm one of eight children, many of my games involved only moi! But play I did. The resources around me were endless ~ mountains, creek, waterfall, trees, horses, corrugated iron to slide down a hillside on, swimming in muddy dams, building tree houses, acres and acres to run and hide in. Childhood was fun!

I was blessed to live on such a large amount of land, and to be free to explore without the modern day fear many parents have of their child being abducted. There were dangers all around me though. Always the possibility of falling down the waterfall, being bitten by a red-belly black snake (god, I get goosebumps even writing the word snake!!), tripping over in a field away from adults, being thrown off my horses, etc.

Childhood is a great training ground for adulthood. If all the dangers which existed had been used as an excuse to stop me playing, the rest of my life would have turned out very differently. Through risk, and pushing boundaries, I learnt to believe in myself. We can be aware of dangers, but the key isn't to focus on them…lest we attract them in. I read recently that worry is another way of praying for what you don't want! When my children go out to play I imagine them protected by a 'white light' ~ call it a guardian angel if you will. I don't help them by chewing my finger nails in anxiety. I have to trust.

In the news this week we hear shocking statistics of how few children in Britain are allowed to play outside unsupervised by adults before the age of 14. Fourteen? Cripes, I left home at 16! How would I have been prepared for adult life with just two years of risk taking?

It's heartbreaking really. Children need self-created adventure, to take risks, to have fun ~ without adults around.

Just the other day the village boys were collecting bits of wood and cutting the wheels from the wheelie bins (!) to make a go-cart. How different their childhood would be if they lived in a large city. In winter, if it snows, the children get to toboggan down the main road in our village.

My girls can ride their bikes all around here. Are they safe? Yes and no.

I 'trust' that they'll be safe when they go out. The farmers around here have no concept of slowing down on their tractors through the village (they travel faster than cars) and all the while talk on their mobile phones.

I know life can change in a nano-second and that a moment of not concentrating by the farmer could end a life or cause permanent injury to a child on foot or on their bike. Should I keep my children in the back garden? Both answers could be right. As a mother I feel it is wrong to restrict my children to the back yard. If I lived in the middle of London things might be a bit different, but I'd certainly make sure they had access to outdoor spaces without feeling I was watching them.

The odds of abduction are so statistically low that to use it as an excuse to isolate children is very sad.

As for children being sexually abused, it is usually done by someone you know. I never left my children with baby sitters (not for that reason) and the few times they've been in someone else's care, it has been someone I trusted with my gut. I think my radar now for abusers is pretty accurate. God knows I drew enough of them into my childhood!

My children are of an age where the communication between us is such that they could tell me if any man (or woman) ever attempted to invade them or take advantage in any way. They know their body belongs to them and not another.

Our village, Glassonby, only has about 100 residents…it's a tiny place at the base of the Pennines. It does have a holiday cottage and so I'm used to seeing a stranger from time to time, as well as cyclists on the coast to coast route. A year or so back, the girls and I were coming into the village after a long walk. A man came walking past us ~ we said hello ~ and I suddenly felt so sick in my stomach. It was one of those situations where the 'logical' brain was trying to shoosh up the intuitive part of me and wondering what on earth was going on. I don't know why but I said to the girls, 'don't go back out in the village today ~ just play in the garden.'

About half an hour later the phone rang. Another lady in the village called to say that a man was hanging about at the local stone circle ~ ½ mile away. Children had seen porno magazines in the back of his car as well as a Postman Pat blanket. She suggested I might want to keep the kids at home. Turns out it was the same man.

OMG. At least my intuition was spot on. This bloke hung around the village for a week. The police said they couldn't do anything until he'd 'done something'.

It did highlight that even little villages can be targets for those who prey on children. This is one of the last places in the populated world that I'd have expected it… My children roam freely throughout the village and up to about a mile past the outskirts. The condition is they only go beyond the outskirts if they're with each other and that they tell me which direction they're going in.

It can be tough raising kids in this culture. Our biggest fear though, should be fear itself. None of us can know what someone else's soul journey is while on this Earth. To think we actually have control over another soul's life choices is a myth. We can't know that maybe they're meant to fall over and break a leg or fall out of a tree. We can lock our kids up in the bedrooms, cotton wool them from life, but why on earth would we even have children if something as basic and ESSENTIAL as play is being denied?

Collectively we've taken away gentle birth, the in-arms phase, full-term breastfeeding and unstructured learning…now we're taking play away too? Can't anyone see the long-term consequences of this? It will come back to haunt society.

If you're frightened of your children being attacked, let them take martial arts courses or go with a friend to their destination. Life is full of risks but, as someone once wisely said: "Life's either a daring adventure or NOTHING AT ALL." And frankly, without a little risk life isn't worth living.

See you next week! Have fun. ~ Veronika

Programming young minds

Saturday Cuppa: Lime and Nettle tea

How very odd... I've not been able to log into blogger this past fortnight as google as done something weird to the log in process and doesn't want to recognise my username or password.

I've managed to sneak in today via someone posting a comment! So, here's last week's blog and if I can get back in here I'll write again soon!

The overuse of tv in the lives of young children made headlines this week, and rightly so. Unfortunately, when anything comes as a potential dictate from the government it sends people scampering away in fear that Big Brother is watching. The media indulged in a collective ignorance about a topic which, individually, the journalists often know very little. It's not the first time I've had to turn a radio off because a broadcaster was using an interview to display their inflated ego, rather than use the opportunity for insightful journalism and to educate people. I'm always disappointed at the misuse of air time.

Nobody wants to be told how to raise their children, yet the mass consciousness which supports the tele-visual culture doesn't allow any space for intelligent discussion. It is our children who suffer as a result.

The call to government, from a leading researcher, for a complete ban on tv for under 3s is completely in line with the ethos of The Mother magazine (TM also recommends a ban on dvds, videos and computers).

Many people believe that if they sit with their young children while watching a tv or a computer screen then viewing is acceptable. There are at least three issues with this which make it misleading.

1.) Most people don't sit with their children. If parents are willing to be completely honest, you'll find that even the youngest of children are watching it unsupervised.

Within a minute of watching tv, the brain goes into a hypnotic state which means children (and adults) will just 'sit' and watch. This makes for a free and readily available babysitter. Mothers like this and within a short space of time they use this service for hours a day. And why not, they justify, after all, it helps them to get their important 'jobs' done. In our culture of nuclear families, mums appreciate the 'space' away from their children.

2.) It isn't just the content which should be of concern. Tv presents many hazards, and the programmes which many people consider to be 'educational' are simply unnecessary for the developing brain. One newspaper columnist even went as far as to suggest children needed tv to keep up with their peers in learning information about the world! Whatever happened to parents? We are our children's teachers. WE can show them whatever they need to learn about the world in their childhood. To suggest tv is necessary for our children's learning is an example of people clinging to an addiction and justifying its use in their own lives.

3.) Televisions and computers emit an electro-magnetic field which has low levels of radiation. (Mothers who breastfeed at computers should take heed of that). The cathode rays which come out from the screen are damaging to the body. Our young children should not be exposed to this fluorescent lighting.

CRTs (cathode ray tubes) have a way of numbing the brain. This is entirely inappropriate for the needs of a growing brain. Our children learn best from real life people and situations ~ and making use of all their senses, rather than just visual and auditory. Because of the hypnotic effect of CRTs, our children literally need us to turn the tv off for them. The many disorders which arise from CRTs include poor memory, lack of concentration, impulsive behaviour, poor listening ability, the need for instant gratification and trouble moving (to name but a few!).

It's a sad fact that many families don't believe they could exist without tv. Fooey! It takes less than a week to become accustomed to a new, PEACEFUL lifestyle which does not involved being programmed by a tv. Some parents manage to create some sort of discipline regarding tv watching, only to have their child then sit at the computer for hours every day. There are so many health issues involved in tv and computer watching, that it takes a book, rather than a blog, to discuss them sensibly. I can only hope that if your family's life is ruled by the screen, you might take some time to research the matter fully.

When Bethany, who is now 11, was almost two, we introduced her to tv. It was near the end of my pregnancy with Eliza, and Paul let her watch Barney the dinosaur so I could sleep-in. She used to wake up VERY early and it was far too early to go off to the park, so tv became an instant source of entertainment.

One show soon became two, as Paul thought it would be nice for her to have a copy on video. Well, tots aren't silly! Videos replay don't they? She became obsessed. It was truly horrible. I didn't know anything back then that I know now about the insidious effects of the tele-visual culture. I wish I had! There's no room for regrets, but with hindsight, I'd have begun parenting without tv.

I knew something drastic had to be done, so we put the tv in the wardrobe. It felt strange for us too, not to sit back and watch shows in the evening.

We decided to get rid of the tv altogether, and both girls spent the next nine years without it. Interestingly, Eliza, who'd not experienced tv in our own home, has never been able to sit and watch it like Bethany can. When they visit friends who've had a tv on, within minutes Eliza will come and say she's 'bored'.

About six months ago, a lady in the village was getting rid of a tv and video player, and offered it to us. We ummed and aaahed. It was certainly not an immediate 'yes'.

"All those nature programmes and documentaries…" we said. And on the basis of that we agreed. I truly wish we hadn't.

Well, the great tv experiment has been interesting, and a steep learning curve on the parenting path. Yes, it has been wonderful to watch shows like Planet Earth and see extraordinary footage.

The children wanted to see other shows too, like Blue Peter. There is one presenter for CBBC, who is so inappropriate for children's tv. There is something about her attitude, as if she's giving young kids the come-on or something, which sits very uncomfortably with Paul and I.

Last week, the remote and the tv guide went walk about… I wonder how that could have happened!?

Bethany rather lost the plot and acted like an alcoholic that had her secret stash stolen.

Bethany managed the day without tv, but it was tough going. I found it emotionally exhausting saying 'not today'. What I have noticed since the introduction of the 'fool's lantern', is that for girls who used to read all the time, and constantly engage in creative endeavours, a lot of their creative interests died down quite dramatically.

So, we came up with a deal. Three hours of tv, maximum, a week ~ and no nagging, whining or bullying me into more, or we get rid of it altogether. (Unfortunately they also watch tv at school ~ about an hour a week from what I can gather, PLUS computer time!).

Choices are to be made at the beginning of the week. Anything on a commercial station gets videoed, so it can be watched without the adverts. The usual rule of sitting as far back from the tv as possible always applies.

The girls go to bed at 7.45 during the week, so there isn't much time for tv when they come home from school - by the time they've had a snack, done their spelling and practised their instruments, had a play in the village, eaten dinner, etc. I've noticed that being strong on tv and computer times has seen a return to the girls spending time making pictures and other items. This is as childhood should be.

If you're new to the concept of holistic family living, I recommend that, if you do choose to keep a tv and computer, that you set a maximum limit. Personally I think more than ½ an hour a day is too much for children.

You need to know exactly what is being watched at any time, and that it is age-appropriate. Cartoons really can't be recommended because of the speed at which the scenes move. Install parental controls on your internet access. It is too easy for pornographic material to be accessed. Once an image is in a child's mind it can't be taken away!

I've not given consent for my children to have internet access at school because the Principal has stated, in writing, that she can't guarantee the children won't access inappropriate websites!

The tele-visual culture is a nightmare for the sensitive needs of our young children. The call banning tv for under 3s is brilliant, but personally I'd say it should extend to under 7s. But, of course, this country would fall over if that was suggested!

The truth is we live in a culture which doesn't know how to parent. We've collectively lost the ability to recognise what constitutes a healthy childhood. Parents are scared to let their children outside to play, and instead, 'gift' them with a tv and computer in their own bedrooms. I find it shocking that 50% of under 3s have a tv in their bedroom!

Is it any wonder there is so much social dysfunction? More than 60% of families never eat a meal together. Those who do, tend to sit at a dining table and share the experiences of the day. These same families are more likely to eat healthier food and have more harmonious relationships.

The connection with obesity and tv-watching is no coincidence. When the mind is numbed by the CRTs it simply can't hear the messages from the brain, saying "STOP!, I'm full!". The person isn't being nourished by the stimulation of real human company, and so keeps eating, looking for 'comfort'. More often than not, the people who watch tv alone in their bedrooms, always eat alone, and not surprisingly eat junk food.

This is a topic about which I'm prepared to stand on a soap-box. If, like me, you genuinely believe tv is something which can be a useful form of education or entertainment, then it really has to be approached with great discipline. Children are a bit like water, in that they can find all the cracks and get through. They know how to push, push and push till mum gives in. Unless you're like concrete with your principles, it is infinitely easier to not have the idiot box (aka Plug-in Drug) at all. You can opt instead for a video/dvd tv only, and rent wildlife shows, say, once a week.

No child on this planet will be deprived because they've been 'denied' teletubbies, Blue Peter or Dr Who. As adults we too easily transfer our own addictions on to our children, with no justifiable basis. I've noticed that those adults who are adamant tv and computers are important for children are the same people who actually couldn't tell you the first thing about children's healthy brain development, or the health issues connected to electromagnetic fields. How ironic that they make the loudest noise when the call for honouring children's well-being is brought into the public arena.

I do not recommend TV at all for growing children. It simply isn't an asset to family life. Everyone has their own view on it, which is fair enough. Having experienced life with and without tv, I have the courage of my convictions, and know without doubt that life is dramatically more peaceful, loving, spontaneous and creative without a tv ~ for parents and children.

just add water

Saturday Cuppa: Pear and ginger tea

My whole life has been punctuated with the nourishing element of water. I was reminded of this last night when I watched the video of my first daughter's waterbirth at home, by candle light.

The earliest, conscious memories I have of water are from about the age of four. Living in Brisbane, Australia, where it is often humid, we had a swimming pool which I was forever jumping into. My mum's first memory of me with water was seeing my little body sinking to the bottom of the pool! It still sends a shiver down her spine.

We later moved up the road to a larger house with a huge oval swimming pool and a very large passion fruit vine, (heaven, in one back yard). I spent hours eating those perfect sub-tropical fruits straight from the vine, and swimming.

And then there was Dead Horse Creek, a little dam in our suburb of Woodridge, where I'd hang out with my older siblings and their friends as they swung off a rope into the pond. I'll probably never know why it was called Dead Horse Creek, but I'm hoping there weren't any dead horses in there!

This probably sounds really disgusting, but I absolutely LOVED it when it rained and I could sit in the gutter of our street and let the water wash over me. The single biggest thing I miss about Australia is the tin roofs and the melodic sound of rain beating down.

At six, my parents moved from the city to Freestone, a small farming community about 15 minutes drive from the town of Warwick, on Queensland's Darling Downs. Here, on our 700 acre property of fields and mountains, was the most beautiful spring-fed creek. As children, we walked the length of it, from the small, yet deep, dam at the base of the waterfall, and up along the creek's winding path of granite rock, high into the hills. Hidden from the world by densely growing eucalyptus trees and wattle bushes, my childhood was played out in freedom, fun and fantasy along the base of our mountain where the creek flowed.

We cooked food over a fire fed from twigs and dried leaves while listening to the water gurgle over the rocks. On horseback, my friend Cherry and I went high into the mountain range and camped under the stars. As if time has stood still, I can still smell the exquisite scent of the wild lemon tree at the creek's edge.

My brothers and I often tried to make rafts to carry us along the creek, but our most popular device was actually wearing thick padded winter coats underneath raincoats and floating on the creek during a flood. Not so much floating as rocketing! Oh my, it was so much fun!! Deathly dangerous, no doubt, but thoughts like that didn't enter our heads. This gave me an appetite for white water rafting later on when I was in Hawke's Bay, New Zealand.

We made mini dams from rocks and tried to change the direction of the water. It could only ever be temporary as water is such a powerful force.

Blood sucking leeches were an occupational hazard whenever we jumped into the dam!

I can still taste the perfect, cool mountain water which I drank straight from the creek. People don't do that these days, do they? Well, at least not before sending the water off to be analysed in a laboratory. We never had to worry about farmers dumping toxic material into the water as at that time there was no-one upstream from us.

The 'waterhole' dam at the base of the waterfall was my favourite because it was tucked away by trees, hugged by maiden hair ferns, and hugged by hills, but we also had man-made dams on the property which were always brown and mucky from the soil at its base. In one part of the land, the soil was rich red and in another area, as black as a red belly black snake. We'd ride our horses, bare back, into these dams and have mud fights. We weren't precious about keeping clean. Always, always, always would we arrive home, completely filthy. The smiles on our faces probably overrode the heaviness in my mother's heart when she realised how much washing she had to do. Now I'm a mother myself, I can see it was probably worth the price of having your children disappear for hours on end.

Most parts of our garden were on a hill so we put a really long strip of plastic down, added a few drops of washing-up liquid, and a hose. We called it the 'slip and slide'. I can only begin to imagine the fun my own girls would have with such an adventure in their back garden.

The all time favourite, though, was the old tractor tyre, inner tube removed, hung long ways by rope from the majestic Pepperina tree in the front garden. The sides of the tyre were held apart by a piece of wood, so we could fit a child in either side. Filled with warm, soapy water, the fun began when another child would push the tyre against the tree and we'd get soaked with water. Activities like this, or playing in the circular horse troughs, kept us amused for hours.

When I used to wag school (Aussie equivalent of playing truant) my favourite place to go was down by the weir of the Condamine River. I didn't need to 'do' anything there, I just sat, watching the water flow by me.

I first wrote poetry when a family friend took me fishing one weekend. He and his sons fished, and I sat at the edge of the bank writing in my head and capturing how I felt about everything around me ~ the flies, water, wildflowers, gathering storm clouds…

Near Warwick is Leslie Dam, a huge lake popular for water sports, particularly water skiing. My favourite was canoeing. It was here we were brought for one of our school camps ~ the highlight of my school years. Another camp was elsewhere, I've no idea where, just that I completely trashed my favourite pair of shorts, sliding down a waterfall. And it was worth every last cotton thread! It had a 45 degree slope, was covered in moss, and made the best slippery-slide ever. The teachers couldn't drag me away.

At 16, I left home and moved to South Australia, and again, my favourite memories include water. Sitting high on a grassy hill in a friend's hot tub ~ no lights, no houses for miles, and then, in the distance, at midnight, a train etched along the horizon of a distant hill. It was eerie and yet so beautiful.

Camping in the bush was a favourite source of adventure for me…off with friends and sleeping bags for a weekend, swimming in dams, remote gorges, or the great Murray River; using old tyres to float on, as we lazed in the sun. Somehow water transformed day to day life.

Christmas by the beach in 40 degree Celsius heat isn't necessarily something a Northern Hemisphere person might associate with the Holy Season, but there really is something festive about loads of watermelon and sea water.

In New Zealand, a lover took me to a secret hide-away, where a hot spring touched the cool water of the mighty Waikato river, and together, under starlight and a full moon, we melted into the warm water. Two naked bodies, alone on Earth, surrounded by nothing by native New Zealand trees and bush. I tell you, no girl needs wine and chocolate when she's had an experience like that ~ the ultimate in romance!

On a remote South Australian shoreline, my friend Amy and I sat amidst large rocks, waves spraying against us by a brewing storm, to watch seals swimming in the moonlight. There are moments in life which simply stay etched in your memory forever, moments which no amount of money can buy.

Pennysylvania, USA. In my mid 20s, I went to the States to Amy's homeland. The day was spent trekking through barren, ploughed fields, caught deep in conversation with a best friend, making memories. New Year's Eve ~ sitting outside in a steamy hot tub with friends, snow flakes dancing in the New Year and landing on my shoulders. Steam and ice…

Giving birth in water was a natural place for me to welcome my love-child Earthside. I'd devoured spiritual and esoteric literature on the incoming soul's need for a gentle transition to gravity. I confessed to my midwife that I longed to give birth with dolphins as midwives ~ somewhere in a sheltered bay. The birth pool was too small. I needed space. I needed nature. I compromised by swimming with dolphins in pregnancy off New Zealand's north coast.

Instead of thinking I was crazy, my midwife understood and gave me a video to watch of Russian women giving birth alongside dolphins!

My mother's story of her Magic Bath led me to write my first children's story ~ Oma's Magic Bath. From her little hand made hut in the Tasmanian mountains, she would fetch water from the creek to tip into the outside bath. It was perched off the ground a couple of feet and she would light a fire underneath to warm the water. When it was hot enough, she'd step in, hot chocolate in hand, and soak, soak, soak. Watched only by tall trees, birds, stars, my mother had a luxury most of us never experience.

Last weekend my girls were playing down the road in our local beck (creek)..splashing and squealing. On the bank, the bluebells out a month early!!, chatting with friends, one of which is a lady in her 70s, we shared childhood memories of water. She smiled the whole time and said that her childhood was full of playing in water, and how different it is for most children today, stuck in houses, glued to tv, mobile phone or computers. Parents are scared of their children going outside. She's right, of course. Many parents do live in fear of the unknown and their children pay the price.

I've often found when my girls were antsy and needed calming that I simply had to 'just add water' and the outcome would always improve. Sometimes it was just a bowl and a cup, other times it was a bucket of water in the garden. It's never needed to be vast quantities of water, just something to 'feel'. Eliza's spent her last few bath times with a bowl (half a coconut shell) to which she's attached match sticks for oars, and been amused for ages. Walnut shells are often a favourite with children too.

Last Saturday we picnicked at Talkin Tarn and then Paul took the girls out rowing on the tarn for a while. Such a simple pleasure, yet that half hour of connecting with water, with nature, was so nourishing to the soul.

Walking by the ocean, negative ions washing away stress, proves so healing for many people. People flock to the beach in summer, but funnily, I've always enjoyed being there in the depths of winter, on a wild, windy day, a lone figure upon the shoreline, ambling to the sound of seagulls.

I have come to see that water needs to be free-flowing in my life and when I again find a piece of Earth to guardian, it is with the hope it has a creek passing through with which to paddle my feet.

Our growing companions

Saturday Cuppa: Ginger and Lemongrass, for clarity

In search of my mother's garden I found my own
~ Alice Walker

I don't know if there is anything that compares to the pleasure of smelling your newborn baby, or being wrapped in the tender arms of your soul-mate all night long; but having my hands in fertile soil, letting it fall loosely between my fingers as I sieve it tenderly before planting seeds, comes a pretty close second.

Transformed by Spring sunshine, I feel the emergence of my second self as I sit amongst the new green shoots all desperately reaching towards the light. When the sun shines, being in the house feels like a prison, the garden feels like heaven. I want to spend every waking moment soaking in the sunshine, playing amongst the plants, listening to bird song. The rest of life can take a running jump when I'm pottering outside.

As a child, I learnt about the art of companion planting from Mrs Green Fingers ~ aka my mum! Thirty odd years ago, to even suggest such a thing as companion planting would have raised eyebrows. Mum had no qualms about planting garlic alongside her roses. She often planted the same species of tree in groups of 'three' so they had company. Bless her! My mother always planted according to the phases and signs of the moon. It's no exaggeration to say her garden truly looked like paradise, while the gardens of the neighbouring properties often looked barren.

The young girl in the house of her mother is like a seed in fertile ground
~ Monique Wittig

In my garden I avoid mono planting…no long rows of lettuce, but patches of them, with marigolds and strawberries tucked in between and all around. And it's all very well having a herb garden, but dill and fennel are arch enemies…so dill gets to camp in the potato bed and they love each other to bits! And they're both happy if broad beans want a ménage à trois. Carrots and onions snuggle side by side, while tomatoes and basil do their thing. Although I have vegetable beds, the truth is everything is a mix 'n' match game. Herbs, flowers, fruits, berries and vegetables live in harmony, growing alongside, and above and below each other, with their needs catered for as best as I humanly can. The truth is, some prefer more light than others, some need damper soil for their roots while other plants like pretty crap soil! More often than not, one plant will protect another from insects by its scent.

Humans could learn a lot from plants ~ especially plants grown in harmony through companion planting.

In my search for like-minded people with whom to share my life, I often question the need for similarity and diversity. It is instinctive to flourish when we're well supported. For some of us, that support inevitably comes from being around similar people, and yet others need the variety, the stimulation, the duality of something a little different. Some plants seek shade or shelter and just as melons and pumpkins thrive in the shade of sweetcorn, so do some shy people thrive in the apparent shadow of a sunflower. Perhaps, though, the sunflower is all the more tall for the shadow at its feet?

Regardless of our particular preferences, what we all seek is harmony. It seems a strange irony then, that many people in our culture have never truly experienced such harmony. I'm often amazed when I go to town just how rudely couples speak to each other. And this is their beloved? I wouldn't want to be their enemy!

Harmony is something we learn about in the womb. Our mother's energy feeds us every second of our gestation. Is it a food of love, nurturing, happiness and joy or is mother in a constant state of anxiety? Is she fighting with father, numbed out in front of tv or having an affair because she's bored with our dad?

When we emerge Earthside, fresh from Divinity's Arms, thank God we have the veil drawn over our tender being, because I think almost all of us would opt out of this journey we call Life before we take our first breath. How often is a baby truly welcomed into this world in a way which befits her Divine Heritage? Instead, more than a quarter of babies are cut from their dark, warm, water womb and pulled, without warning, into bright lights and gravity. We wipe their eyes, jab them with Vitamin K, swaddle them in harsh fabrics, pop them on scales because the world will end if we don’t weigh them!!, and something as innately bonding, harmonious and loving as being in mother's arms somehow doesn't register as important. If this is our welcome to Earth, as played out in most modern day births, then how do we expect people to live in a state of Grace, of harmony and love?

And if the newly arrived soul thought birth was bad, toddlerhood isn't much better, at least not in our culture. The number of little arms I've seen nearly ripped out of sockets because a parent didn't know how to 'deal' with a tantrum is more evidence of disharmony. My kids had tantrums too, don’t get me wrong. I learnt, though, that they serve a purpose, other than to wind mum or dad up like a spring coil!

Toddlers don't need fluorescent lights, they don’t need to be taken shopping when they're tired, they don't need to have their needs put last. Toddlers aren't designed to sit patiently in cafés while parents sit for hours over coffee anymore than they're cut out to stand in a bank queue.
Pretty simply really, but it can take a while for adults to realise this, if they ever do.

If a toddler needs to get on the ground and scream and wave limbs around, then, from my experience, the best thing a parent can do is TOTALLY ignore everyone who is staring and let the child tantrum. It'll all be out of their system and harmony will return.

What often happens, however, is the parent becomes a monster, physically shakes the life out of junior, gives them chocolate or some other processed food to shut them up, not realising a bunch of white sugar and e-numbers is a perfect ingredient to raise the decibels ..and the potential for harmonious resolution is replaced by fury, anger and disrespect.

Is it any wonder, then, that children grow up into adults who don't know how to listen, how to be, how to share, how to honour, how to respect? When I see a parent yelling at a child or a man yelling at his partner or vice- versa in a way which doesn't honour either of them, I'm always transported back a generation.

Nobody grows up with lack of respect for another human unless those values weren't modelled in childhood. Please, don't ever shrug your shoulders and say "I'm just a mother". There is no sadder phrase. The future of humanity relies on mothers. Can't you feel how important and necessary good mothering is for shaping the next generation?

The plants in my garden live in harmony, supporting each other while having their needs met. How are YOU supported in life? Do you support someone else? Does it nurture both of you?
We can not be wholly fruitful and abundant if the basic needs of love, trust, harmony and kindness aren't met. Wiggle your bum over a little, find another patch of soil to grow yourself in, seek shade if you need it or reach towards the sun. Dampen those roots and reach up those leaves to the Light. You, your babies and children depend on your wise growing choices. Unlike the plants in my garden which rely on me for their growing conditions, you are entirely responsible for your growing environment and the companions your keep.

What the daughter does, the mother did.
Jewish proverb.

In one's family, respect and listening are the source of harmony
buddha