You’d think, as a
romance novelist, that I’d be one of the first people putting my hand up to
celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. The truth is that I’ve never celebrated it: not
as a married woman, and not in my single days.
Don’t get me wrong. I
believe in love. I celebrate love. My home, for goodness sake, is filled with
love hearts made of wood, fabric, glass and felt. I LOVE love! I adore hearing my husband sing love songs. I become engrossed in rom-coms.
And while it’s true that
Cupid shot me 19 years ago with his arrow, and I’m still enjoying happily ever
after, my desire to celebrate this Hallmark-endorsed day hasn’t increased.
In fact, every year I
can’t help but shake my head at the untold money spent on chocolates and
flowers. How easily us humans get sucked into commercialism! I love
good-quality chocolate (though, to be fair, I’m a savoury girl and would choose
something salty over sweet every single time) and my house always has flowers
in it, but if a man was prompted to give me those things because of a date on a
calendar and copious red reminders in every shop, then what would it say about
our love?
To me, love is what
happens every day of the year. Day in, day out, it is about respect, kindness,
compassion, empathy, humour and companionship. How we live each and every day
with our loved one means far more than a single day marked on a calendar. If I
have to single out ‘romance’ days, I prefer to celebrate the anniversaries of
my heart: the day my husband and I first kissed ~ April 16th 1995 (we
moved in together the next day), and the day we married ~ December 29th 1996.
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| A blustery day: Green Bay, Auckland, New Zealand. |
St Valentine’s Day has
Christian origins, and was based on the saints named Valentinus. The stories
were all based on martyrdom: hardly healthy grounds for love! The main story is to
do with ‘farewell’. Is this really how we want to celebrate love? Obviously
over the years the day has ‘evolved’ to be an occasion on which lovers express
their affection through gifts. Mass-produced greeting cards have become the
mainstay of this day.
One of the things that
disturbs me most about this cultural tradition of Valentine is how it sets up
those without a lover for misery, and perpetuates just how alone they are. How
many heart-broken teenagers walk this planet lamenting the fact that the
postman didn’t bring them a card? Doesn’t anyone love them?
If you’re looking for
love, look inside you. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. There
is no one on this planet (as wonderful as they might be) who is capable of
plugging up the hole in your heart. Learning the art of self love is the key to
all healthy and happy relationships. Believe in yourself. As your self value
increases, you’ll find yourself drawn to people who carry a similar vibration.
Want to attract a
loving, healthy and long-term relationship in your life? Write a list! Write a
list of exactly what you are looking for in a partner or relationship. Write it
down each day, in order of priority. It doesn’t matter if the priority changes
each day. What is important is that you become clear and focussed about what is
important to you. Many people go into relationships without understanding what
it is that they’re seeking. Write what you want, not what you don't want.
If you're in a relationship that doesn't make your heart sing, but for whatever reason you don't want to end it, then use the list writing to create the relationship you do desire. Focus on what is important to you, such as ease of communication, affection, humour, companionship, empathy, understanding, common interests, sexual compatibility, and so on. Create the relationship of your dreams.
Life is too short for
regrets, and for second-best relationships. YOU deserve the best relationship.
There are seven billion of us on this planet. Believe me, there is someone out
there who thinks you’re wonderful and would move heaven and earth to be with
you. And it will happen, I promise you, when you believe that you’re worthy.
